| Sunday, September 12, 2010: 9PM |
[Sunday
September 12th, 2010 at 11:31pm] |
[private]
This is the first time in my life that I feel like I can't pray my mistake away. I have gone to the alter every service since, but I still feel guilty.
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12
And their sins and lawless acts will I remember no more.
Hebrews 10:17
… Even I, a he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.
Isaiah 43:25
You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea
Micah 7:19
I need to keep reminding myself that God has forgotten my sin. It's not healthy to pray for repentance over the same offense. It suggests that I didn't believe he forgave me the first time.
I would probably feel better if I could quit thinking about how good it felt…
[private]
I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. I vote we extend the weekend by one day. Who's with me?
In other news, church was pretty amazing. The youth controls the evening service every second Sunday of the month. We chose some really great songs. I nearly sang myself hoarse.
|
|
|
| (forward dated) Sunday, August 8, 2010: 1PM |
[Saturday
August 7th, 2010 at 11:58pm] |
This is going to sound a little crazy, but I think my pastor can read my mind.
[private: readable by Taylor]
Brother John preached on the importance of saving sex for marriage. There was this demonstration with a piece of duct tape. He made several of the guys line up. One by one, he strapped the duct tape on their arm. With the first guy, it ripped off a lot of hair and stuff. You could tell it really hurt. With the second guy, it ripped off less and hurt less. With the third guy, it ripped off even less and hurt even less. It was supposed to represent sex. The first time you have sex, you give a part of yourself to the guy you sleep with. You give even less with the second guy. Even less than that with the third guy. You get it, right?
Well, I'm not planning to have premarital sex. That's most definitely not an issue.
He preached about how kissing was playing with fire. He said that it wasn't technically a sin, but kissing was opening yourself up to more. As though kissing is the gateway drug to sex.
I don't know. It made me feel kind of guilty.
I don't want to stop kissing Danny, though. It's kind of nice, you know?
I don't know if I believe this whole kissing leads to sex thing. Kissing won't lead to anything I don't want it to. It's just a kiss.
[/private]
I'm starving.
|
|
|
| Sunday, August 8, 2010: 12AM |
[Saturday
August 7th, 2010 at 11:48pm] |
[private to Taylor]
So, uh... Danny and I spent the day together.
Nothing unusual, right?
We went to lunch and a movie and dinner.
We shared a soda and popcorn. Nothing unusual.
He held my hand. Like... fingers twined together, palms kind of sweaty, hand holding.
It's weird. It's a nice kind of weird, though.
He kissed me goodnight.
It felt like we were on a date, but... we were just hanging out, right?
[/private]
[private to Maggie]
So... I kind of want to talk to you about boys. Are you free?
[/private]
|
|
|
| (backdated) Tuesday, August 3, 2010: 12PM |
[Saturday
August 7th, 2010 at 11:34pm] |
[private to Taylor]
Okay. So.
I went and saw Danny last night. You already know that...
He kissed me, again.
A lot.
It was nice.
It was really nice.
He said I'm not just some girl to him.
I feel a little better, but I'm still confused. How do you go from never kissing to kissing until you can't breathe?
[/private]
|
|
|
| Monday, August 2, 2010: 3PM |
[Monday
August 2nd, 2010 at 2:46pm] |
[blocked from Danny]
...
Danny kissed me. He kissed me, and he hasn't mentioned it. I kind of want to smack him.
It's driving me a little crazy. Maybe he kisses girls all the time, but I don't kiss guys all the time. Did it mean nothing to him? Not that it meant something to me. I don't even know.
WHY WON'T HE JUST BRING IT UP?! I'M GOING CRAZY!
[/blocked]
[private to Danny]
You kissed me. Why?
[/private]
|
|
|